pamela is leaving....

Do you know that loud funny girl around the corner?... with a cute lil dog scampring about her feet??...
She is Pamela.... my first american friend.
But she is leaving, graduation is a time for celebration, and partings. She called me yesterday ... " Hey, I have this intervu, on thurday and I have to pack and leave tomorrow. can you come help me pack? "
.. Sure! What are friends for?

I knew she was gonna go... but its gonna be so abrupt. i was not prepared for it. But... atleast she is just a phone call away... if nothing else. But coming to terms with the reality that... it takes a while for ... things just happen.. relations deepen.. and then all of a sudden, you have to see them go.

Over the span of a quarter century, I have a lot of friends, so many of them I don't have a clue where they are? whats happening with them. A while back, with all this namesdatabase thing I was able to look up from old school friends. But I am still looking for many of them.

I hope to be in touch with them all. .. Okay Pammy I am coming.... God the amount of stuff you have. ;-)

Moving and packing is a pain here.. more on that in one of my next blogs.. and "Dr Know it all" will give spl tips on that. Has been in moving business for last 2 years, with moving every 6 months on an avareage... bechaare ko abhi tak koi permanent place nahi mili..

Remind me to write the Baanke story too... it all starts there. Dec'04 .. actually the first move was in Aug'1998.. but these past year has seen some extensive moves..

.. Khushi!... the state of mind.

I wish .... there was a switch to turn on the Khushi!.. and switch off the .. feel bad feeling.
But I am feeling bad.

Why??? ................ pata nahi!

koi problem??............. NAi..sab theek hai.

Fir kee hoeya?................ kuch nahi, bas iddan hi... jee jeha kharaab hai...

Par kyon?............. pata nahi!

Hain???.............. kuch nahi yaar..

These were the excerpts of a conversation with a friend... ab aisi situation mein... I get so confused, as to why is that happenning? .. Okay the bottom line is .. could it be somehow instigated by what I might have casually said and done...
So, while this person here could be struggling with his own problems... I get depressed ..not knowing ..if it could be cuz of me and I don't want it.... I want things out n open and crystal clear too. ... galteeyan to insaano se hi hoti hain...... my friends would let me know!! I expect that.


But I am fortunate.. that all my friends are confronters like me and insist that "get it out of the system.. jo kuch v hai...".. Is it really worth it... " jaane do"... bhaar mein jaaye.. jo bhi ho tum kyoon paresaan hote ho... in the long run.. acche doston ka saath aur acche karam hi matter karte hai...

Cheer Up!!!

:-)

" Each day is a new day, Like a fresh blog.... don't let it go blank... Dream... visualize... and work on your dreams..."

You alone are the master of your own free will... and maker of your own destiny...... choose happiness over sadness!.. Contentment over dissatisfaction! ... Khushi over gum! (fevigum, bubblegum, chewing gum, guar gum, jolt gum, etc...)...... Exhuberation over depression!!!

Today I choose... activity over dormancy,... life over death!... I am not ever gonna get this day of my life back!.. so why not live it fully today?

What is stopping you?.... .............nothing really,.. all the reasons that you are thinking are somthing that can surely be confronted and dealt with!

So Why Not????



And with this note.... I GIVE UP!!!... main thakk ke haar maan layi... bas!! No more in that regard... cuz no matter how much or what I do or say... .. will anything change.. ?

Why do you want to be successful ??

paraphernalia_unlimited

"Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus."
--- Alexander Graham Bell (1847-1922)Scottish-born American inventor

bchallenge:Success breeds success. Set a challenging, yet doable, goal for June. Check your progress weekly.

Time kyoon garak kar rahe ho...??

Aaap se kuch sawaal hain humein...

1. Aap kaise apne aap ko kisi kaam ke liye tayaar karte ho??

... koi barri paresahhani nahi.... jab sir pe chittarron ki chaan hone waali ho ... to apne aap hi sab kaam ho jaate hain.. fir hum bhambiri ban jaate hain.. :-)
its fear motivation ... plain and simple!!

... it does not last long though... aur woh bhi kaam nahi kar rahi hai... ab

kya karoon.. fir...
..... shock motivation is the next in line... laaton ke bhoot baaton se nahi maan rahe hain... danda peer hai vigreyan tigreeyan da....

Dose ki zuroorat lag rahi hai? Woh din door nahi hai, yeh khawaaish bahut jaldi poori ho jaane waali hai :-(
- Pata nahi yaar.

Pehle aap normal humans waali routiene mein aa jaayen, that is the reason. US mein reh kar Indian time zone koi tyaag dein to aap ke mental/spiritual well being ke liye accha hoga. Follow the solar rthym.

- Ajj taan nahi, par kal ton try karoon.

Chal fir talk to you later. Bye n take care. Do keep in touch.
- Ok. Same 'ere.

I can't think!!!

for the past 3 hrs have been staring at the same paragraph. Why is nothing registering? Nothing is making good sense that I can put in writing.... oh I hate it!!! writing research papers... uggg!!.. I sadly found out that my research aptitude has drained away. Oh ... I had it, but its a once upon a time story.

Now that phase is in hibernation, I want to wake it up... par kumbhkaran baneya peya hai.. utthda hi nahi.. koi isnu aa ke jaga do mere vaaste!!... Please. Help me wake that drive., menu taan darr peya hai.. kite coma ch taan nahi ... kite mar taan nahi gayi.. te menu pata v nahi laggeya.. hai rabba... mera kee banooga !! Aje taan thesis likhna hai...

Observing Baanke..the inner perspective

... contd.....
apneyan noo chaddan da gamm te navi jagah jaan di excitement.... na royea te na kurlaaya... par.. eh khayaal si...ki hun zindagi da ek navaan panna shuroo ho reha hai...

Amreeka!!... life of opportunity...where nothing can stop you!.. but yourself. With a thousand dreams and aspirations and hope, our Man friday.. takes a leap...

First time inside a plane; made some decisions in life... now there will be no turning back. agge hi agge jaana hai... sab kuch dekhna hai.. not miss anything on the learning and exploring side. However still,tried to curb , monkey like curiosiy, while all fellow passengers seemed so bored with life in general... luckiliy got the window seat... with a good view.. but it was night time; early morning...Take off could be scary, had read a lot bout it... but it was a hilarious feeling.

But well, still felt a bit nervous about talking to the airhostess, [its been a while.. but I have observed .. a bit in a way a reluctance regarding the skin color] lekin... humaare baanke ke paas "inner happiness " hi itni thi... ki.. external circumstances ka effect nahi hua unpe... abhi ke liye to sab kuch picture purrfect tha... Charge full tha....nothing could spoil his mood/no one could get in the way for him n his objectives...... uske paas inner strength hi itni thi, he made a decision to not let any external circumstances to affect him or dampen his spirits... woh yaahan kisi purpose ke liye aaya hai... use woh dhoondna tha...

Sometime in life , we experience some wierd and ..out of the ordinary incidents... happenings.. chance meetings...beyond the explanation of logic thought... verging on the paranormal...

I have a feeling they are all in some how trying to fit in some pattern .. in keeping with the destiny... I am a proactive thinker.. but I am mostly on do first think later... cuz the more i think more doubts and confusions arise...and that I attribute to the duality of my Sign; but will write on that some other time... So, our hero is here for a purpose... but he is not too clear... its the clarity of vison that he lacks, that comes in the way... its never external ... though he tends to believe it so... and blames them too at times...but it has always been somthing inside ,, its been a while since he has had this realization...but still tries to suppress that knowledge..he knows fully well... its inside.. all his fears, insecurities... which are really meaningless but they are just routiene and so familiar to him... so like a comfort zone..gathered from all the lil incidents in life.. does not want to let em go.. we humans are sticklers of routiene... oh.. no.. no... we all exhibit patterns... same with very slight modifications... its the way we have been programmed...but the code can be changed any time by the user... we fortunately have copyrights and ascess to that... but we are just too happy with taking life as it comes instead of even trying to meet it half way.. it is the ordinary people who... when they persevere, for what they believe in... become great.
But they never seek greatness ... they seek and follow what they believe in... with a passion

you don't have a passion... and you don't have a vision.. u say... look at our Baanke... he had no passion... no vision... till one day.. something changed it!

.... the brain is like so much information base that keeps assimilating stuff... the concious part of it "the ram as in a PC" only has ascess to so much... but its all in there... gathering dust.. untill the day we decide or are driven enough to seek.. One Day!...that turning point in life comes.

Mine came a while back, I have not been in touch with myself... and today all of a sudden at a friends suggestion when i started blogging... it all came back to me flooding... memories... I am now again... in touch with my purpose... n its the inherent goodness of heart that... brings out the best in others... I am going to quote excerpt from bhagwad geeta...

"Whatever happened, it happened for good.Whatever is happening, is happening for good.Whatever that will happen, it will be for good.What have you lost for which you cry?What did you bring with you, which you have lost?What did you produce, which has destroyed?You did not bring anything when you were born.Whatever you have, you have received from Him.Whatever you will give, you will give to Him.You came empty handed and
you will go the same way. Whatever is yours today was somebody else’s yesterday and will be somebody else’s tomorrow.
Change is the law of the universe."

Why be sad?... take a deep breath... and "Let"....and breathe out " Go".

..Preach mode

All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant's revolving door. -- Albert Camus

If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you. -- Calvin Coolidge

Begin - to begin is half the work, let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished. -- Ausonius

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
-- Henry Van Dyke

....Amreeka....part 1

Baanke beeehari.. ko US ki univ mein admission mili!!!...... ghar waale.. balle balle!!.. bahar waale thalle thalle..!!! phook chak ke... humm humma ke ... muccha nuu taav de ke ... te jamm ke bazaar deeyan gereeyan laa ke.. sara bank account... khaali kar ditta.. 2 attachee bhar ke Indira Gandhi Intl te aa pujje...

apneyan noo chaddan da gamm te navi jagah jaan di excitement.... na royea te na kurlaaya... par.. eh khayaal si...ki hun zindagi da ek navaan panna shuroo ho reha hai...

Amreeka!!... life of opportunity...where nothing can stop you!.. but yourself. With a thousand dreams and aspirations and hope, our Man friday.. takes a leap...

Fir agge kee hoeya??.....
pucho na .... 18 ghante di flight di ghutan... te baar pawe snow... khulli havawaon ka aadi baanke.... nikleya airporton bahar.... supney swargan de.... lave thandeeyan sahan.... kinna vadda desh hai.... saaf asmaan.... na mitti hai na ghatta hai.... na makkhi na macchar...
rishtey daaran ne ..labh ke... apne car ch dakkeya... te sara samaan laddeya.... te lai gaye apne ghar... full length khirkeeyan te kya sundar nazaare....vaar vaar.. khirki khol ke.. mooh baahar nu kadde... kee kare aadtat to majboor... fresh air lai reha si... te lag gayi sardi... mausam kharaab si... taapman low si... pai gaye baanke beemaar....... ab na to vaid na koi hakeem, insurance naam ki bala ko gale lagaana para....jehre thore bahut sikke saath mein laaya tha... woh sab khatam ho gaye...
Arey Baanke lal ji.... aap ko itna samjhaya...aapne ek na suni...ab bhugto.... medical amrreeka ch bahut hai mehnga.... co pay deductible da pata nahi kee hai panga... par jehri kise ne keh ti.. uhi insurance lai layi...

Teejay din vichare di flight si, gwaachi gaa wargi plight si.... Las Vegas wich combined si, flight ho gayi miss.... ho gayee Baanke jee di taayen taayen fiss... standby ch seat nahi mili, jehra smaan si paunch gaya takkane.. te baanke aje...vechaare.. airport deeyan khirkeeyan to baar jhaateeyan maare...

Aukhe saukhe.. seat taan mil gayi... ghabraayee haalat wich... terminal na labbhey.. saare tammatri rang de lok disan... rang biraange jhagge... puchan te v jhijake... tuttu futti angreji...aandi si...oh v gaya bhul... puchna si.. wich way to terminal 4... pucheya.. bitch way to 4 ... aa ta ho gaya kamm kharaab... chetti na uthon khiske... saamne terminal diseya.. te layi... shoot... inni lambi line si... par saare ek paase khare si... jado pata lagga ki now the flight is ready for bording.. aa ke morre khar gaye... economy class de passenger... executive class ch varr gaye ... laya kise ne dabka... koi nimma nimma hasseya... hoeye baanke sharmsaar... lag gaye apni kataar ch.

Akhirkaar... hoeye jhaaj ch sawaar... ban seatbelt tayaar... changee taran... pareya instruction manual...je karni pai jaaye kadi emergency... landing... practise v karan noo tayaar si... par afsos usse seat te aap sawaar si...
leya gura da naa le kar gaye take off.... saah taan baand si.. kaan aap hi band ho gaye... baandar waag.. lagge jhaateyaan maaran... upar ke te thalle ke.... wah kya nazaara si... yeh to swarg humaara si... baadlon ke paar they... badalte sansar they.. aur finally.. ghar waalon se satt samundron paar they...
.... to be continued....

wait karen.. adventures of Baanke..part 2 ke liye... Baanke ki emergency landing...

Baawarchi Spl

This post is dedicated to all the vegetarians and experimental cooks with a spirit of adventure and looking for heathy food.

Daal Chawal Sabji Mix- Healthy Shahi Pulao

Ingredients for the basic recepie

Onion 1 - finely chopped
tomatoes 1 diced or use puree from tin.. just any form - 2-3 tbsp ;
ginger / garlic -1/2 tbsp if using paste.. or u can grate about 1 cm^3 ginger.. and 2-3 cloves of garlic chopped/crushed... (optional)
Mix vegetable pack- any frozen combo (minus okra )- 1/3-1/2 pack
Rice 1 cup
lentil 1/2cup ( without chilka preferrably yellow dal)
cumin 1 tsp (zeera)
cloves 2-3/ moti elaichi 1 (optional spices)
salt & pepper - according to taste.. can use green chillies/red chillies.. what ever is available ..within reach while trying to save the tarka from burning ...[ CAUTION: use less quantity to start with, use only 1 tbsp of dry mirch or use 1 chopped green mirch... not both]
oil 3-4 table spoons = 1 karchi ?? ...or just enough to saute' fry the onions/veggies.

Preparation:
Chop onions, keep aside. chop chillies, vegetables if using fresh. If using frozen, place in a bowl add lil water and drain till ice has melted. Keep aside. Mix rice and dal wash 3-4 times in a big bowl. Keep aside.

Procedure:
In a deep pan/pot or old rice cooker bowl, set the burner to high at first, pour oil.
Add zeera and optional spices, lower the flame to medium when it starts popping and add the chopped onion add a lil salt makes it cook faster( osmotic effect ..blah blah) u can add the ginger/ garlic at this point and turn up the heat. Stir fry till it starts to change color to slight golden at this moment add in the dry powdered spices(haldi, garam masala, pepper: all optional, but will improve taste) or[ chopped green pepper ] stir for 10 sec then add tomatoes keep stirring till oil leaves sides.
Now add the washed veggies. Keep stirring for 40 secs then add 3 tbsp water. Lower flame.
Add the washed rice-dal. Stir well. Add about 2.5 cups of water,check the taste and add salt/pepper if needed. Increase the flame to high. , bring all this to a boil. Lower flame to medium.Cook covered for15 -20minutes. Keep checking occasionally if holes form turn off the burner. Take a spoon and test if the rice is cooked. if not pour 2tbsp water on the top and cover it. Leave aside for a few minutes.

Serve hot with plain yougurt or curd.

Enjoy the fruits of your labor and let me kno what you think of it. Pls feel free to comment with further queries and clarifications if any.

you can modify it any way, +,-,/,*; all mathematical operators will apply. well I devised this recepie at 3:00 am today.

Did you read this??

I was just wondering if some one is visiting my blog or its just me?? if you do..pls do let me know.
So that I can atlest try to unleash some creative writing skills and stop being so boring and depressing.....

..What is going to happen??

why are we mortals always plaqued by this formidable query, in every situation?
I would like to dissect the basis of its origin as to why? objectively it suggests a hidden worry. An attchment to the outcome, wanting it to be in one's favor. But why? I shall not stop living or breathing if the outcome is not the way i expect it or wish it to be? will i? ... No, not really, may be i will have to re think and remake some new plans/ strategems for survival/ look for other avenues. Just a little more effort,
why not do it in your wait time instead, and stop the attchment to the outcomes! well I am trying to motivate myself to work, but even as i type all this I am getting depressed and sad. Why o why, can't something fall into place for me.. for a change. I am really tired of working and more so tired of struggling.

why is nothing looking up for me?? what did i do wrong? what is wrong with me? why all the time this feeling of unsurity??? why are others controlling my future? why do others have an authority over my life, my future, my destiny? why ??
my work is eveluated by others, some silly work is appreciated while somthing i slaved over for months is neglected??

I am sorry, this is one of my depressive wanderings in midst of uncertainities and unsurities.... this wait is killing me ...

Mathematical modeling

What is it? Sounds like some thing so hi-fi... every fifth guy tries to impress you with some stuff.. why can't I make any sense out of it. if someone will say they work on mathematical models... either they are very smart or don't know what they are doing... i sadly fall in the second category. But Why?? Do I have a choice... dfeq's are something I never could fathom as i should and agin this.... grr!!!... I need to work on them, I need to get started with the model.... 1 month, is the time I have been suggested... then I want it to be done in 20 days.... Par Kiddan???

Collaborative work is very interesting.. actually it is really helpful too if you and your collaborators are willing and ready to help you out. I hope I get nice collaborators. Some one has suggested its like we share the work, each contributes to the portion they are best at and complile the works that is substancially impressive. ... in short it makes no sense to anyone but a selected few.

I was talking research in applied mathematics here, from a non mathematical perspective.

Dr Free Advice

.. A feeling of tongue in cheek, after a well deserved snub.. uff!!.. I was only trying to help... but yes that is the way with the world some times... free advice is concidered rude, imposing, meddlesome... big scary words and I don't think any of it suits me... so no more free stuff .. I will mind my own business... but I think its mean to let things be ... when you know you can help.. but then I guess all of it involves maturity of perception, understanding and an open mind to appreciate things.
Lets me know how you feel about this.

..Orkut..

Recenty, I got myself invited to join in orkut... Having listenened to all these ppl keep taking about the weird comments, testimonials, and networking. Riding a huge curiousosity wave; I got myself launched in there.
Within 2 days of frantic orkutting: search for friends and acquaintance's and ppl not met as yet... plus tryng to look in who are whos friends... are they mine too.. or could they be? It was very surprising how that network worked, some one is knowing someone and the series go on.

But, I am not here to advertise orkut, personally to me this site poses a threat to personal privacy. But we can take calculated risks. I looked up some lost friends, some friends of friends and... invited my own as well... and ofcourse a few ppl one might want to know.
How to get a 2 way communication going?? But more importantly, no matter the outcome, is it really worth the effort??

That is what sometimes the whole dilemma of life can be. We want assured success of our efforts; if we know from start we are gonna fail, why bother? The time is important and we all want to utilize our resources in worthwile and productive business( can be applicable to anything) and reap long term benifits right?