Distance

Time is moving fast, life is good, work is nice – but rabb na karey … but time never stays the same – na din o rahe… na eh rehney :  everyone says what all goeth foth cometh back – im waiting if it will. .. idc  

an embarrassing faux pas

I am writing today – cuz  I have to make a note of what happened today.   I witnessed a fiasco at the north park  –  I wonder if it was caught on the video camera … by someone….  How much escapes the public eye / and how much registers..  its just the self – people are 100 times more perceptive of what I usually give them credit for. I’m a  lil slow  .. but then  … but it doesn’t mean that if I didn’t see .. it managed to escape everyone’s eyes as well, hope that today’s happening do not repeat themselves.. ever …and repercussions if any are graciously averted!

 

Some key lessons

1. never go anywhere unprepared
2. if you ignore the hint be prepared to face the consequences
3. everything has a price tag attached – nothing comes for free

 

watching Schindler’s List – a very  intense movie

 

Next … I am looking fwd to really get drowned in Grey’s Anatomy – a must see I say … you have to really see it .. to appreciate

 

Change

Change. We don't like it, we fear it. But we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth. Sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh sometimes, change is good. Sometimes change is everything.”

-Dr. Meredith Grey

 

What is Life??

As I was reading-through my old email, I came across this very simple but definitely touching mail, and I thought sharing it with you mite be a good idea.

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans for this weekend or if you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating or who you used to date,
how many people you've dated or if you haven't been with anyone at all.

It isn't about who you have kissed,
it's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is
or how much money they have or what kind of car you drive.

Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black or brown.
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart everybody else thinks you are, or how smart
standardized tests say you are.
It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you are at 'your' sport.

LIFE JUST ISN'T

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why.
And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate or love, letting it grow and spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected and
those choices are what life's all about.

LIFE JUST IS.

 

Co - ordinates Change

As the year 2007 is coming close to an end, I have completed my 3 years of stay in the US of A...
Life has been strange... I denied myself the pleasure of certain experiences while i was a student - and as this much awaited end of that phase is here - I am stupidly missing certain things, actually am going to miss them.

I have had a very comfortable dwelling and wonderful friendships were forged here - and its almost time to say adieu. The countdown has begun, to take up the next assignment.
for the next 2 months I am jobless, unemployable person - so I shall be doing some volunteering work of my own - and hopefully will learn some house making, preschooler management skills in the coming days. I will also try to loose the thesis fat accumulated over the previous months and hopefully, my cousins will keep me running all around so that i won't have to torture the treadmill - God knows how much i hate the idea of a gym work out. I love working though. :-)

I am thinking of renewing my phone contract, but i am not sure if i really need it. I am feeling like taking a few days off, but simply can't afford to ... there is so much aftermath to clean up.

I keep making big promises to myself but hardly get around to executing them - and this is somthing I hope I change starting this day. Besides I need a 6 months accomodation in CT starting Jan08 - would appreciate if you guys can give me some pointers where to start besides the best way for commute....

rest for later...

By reading this, you absolve the author of all liabilities resultant of above content

Sand and Stone

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE! AND STARTED DROWNIN G,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE'

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT'

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON,
AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM,
A DAY TO LOVE THEM,
BUT THEN
AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM.

SEND THIS TO
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER
FORGET.

I JUST DID.

IF YOU DON'T
SEND IT TO ANYONE,
IT MEANS YOU'RE IN A
HURRY AND THAT YOU'VE
FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDS.

TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS
YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE

WHO YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE!

AND IF I HAPPEN TO GET IT BACK,
THEN I KNOW MY PLACE IN YOUR LIFE

'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting
Some kind of battle'

personal decisions

http://www.stevepavlina.com/audio/

 

 

grow – to become the best you can be… may even take 15^th years or more – its life long process

 

Goals

The 7 steps to success The secrets of being SMART The secrets of writing your goals How to avoid the fear of failure Working Exercises (Turning your goals into reality)

This book is dedicated to Judy who has created the inspiration within me to write this book and to create huge goals which I only dreamed of in the past, these goals have turned into reality, creating abundance in all areas of my life. Judy continues to inspire keeping me moving forward creating goals which stretch me and move me towards my mission and vision

Step 1: Choose a Goal

You should start with one goal and stay focused on this goal at least for 30 days. If after 30 days you feel you’re doing well and getting closer to the desired outcome you can start with the second goal. The simple rule is: Don’t set a lot of goals at the same time. You won’t achieve any. The key to goal setting is staying focused. And it is impossible to focus at many goals at the same time. Start with the most important one. Have you chosen one? Please write it down NOW!!

Step 2: Intensify your Desire to Achieve your Goal

Have you ever failed to achieve your goals? Do you know the single most important reason why you couldn’t reach it? The answer is simple: Because we did not have a strong enough desire and passion. Some may argue with that. "But I did have a strong desire and still I didn't get there." If you didn’t reach your goal your desire was not strong enough. So what is the intense desire, and passion? It's what keeps people working all hours, up early, late to bed. The desire dominates conversation, thinking, and actions. Take a moment to think about the goal you've set for yourself. • • • How committed are you to achieving this goal? Under what conditions would you give up? What if you wanted them so badly that you knew with absolute certainty that you would absolutely, positively never ever give up?

Make sure your desire is strong enough and take action Never ever Quit!!!

Step 3: Develop a Strong Belief That You Can Achieve Your Goal

If you don't believe you can reach a goal you won’t. If there is any doubt in your mind that you can achieve something, you don't give it your all. In fact, you may very well just set it aside. In order to fully achieve anything, you must believe it is possible at a cellular level. If you believe that you can be successful, that you'll enjoy being successful, then you will be successful.

Do you really believe you can achieve your goal? If yes, go the next step!

Step 4: Set a Deadline for Your Goal

Set a realistic date when you plan to accomplish your goal. Don’t commit to “as soon as possible”! Always have a specific date If you don’t have a specific deadline for your goal, you won’t have a sense of urgency and you’ll start to put things off. What’s the hurry, if you don’t have a deadline? You wouldn’t want to miss an important airplane or train journey would you? Deadline will move you to action! After you set a deadline it's time to move towards

Step 5: Write Your Goal Down

You’ve probably heard hundreds of times that it is crucial to write your goal down. But do you know why this step is so important? When you put pen to paper you turn your thoughts into something tangible. You can actually see it, touch it, and even smell it if you want to. Your goal is no longer just a thought! It becomes something, what motivates us and creates a gut feeling inside. Even the act of using the eye in coordination with the hand holding the pen makes a much stronger impression on our mind as we write out the phrase or expression. Now when we read and re-read that phrase or sentence the impression on the mind becomes deeper and deeper. There is something semi-magical about writing one's goals down which makes achieving well-written goals an almost certainty. Write your goal down, visualize It., here it, feel it

Step 6: Break Your Goal Down To Mini-Goals

Now is the time to start planning the route towards your goal! We’ll start by breaking up your big goal into smaller mini-goals. Most people fail to achieve their goal simply because they don’t break them down into smaller steps. All they can see is this big overwhelming goal they’ve set for themselves and they don’t know where to start working on it! • • • • Mini-goals let you track your progress more efficiently Mini-goals are not so overwhelming Mini-goals are easier to achieve Mini-goals let you feel the progress.

Every goal can be broken into mini goals. Mini goals should never be too difficult or too long. You don’t want to be overwhelmed by them. Ask yourself: “What steps do I need to take to achieve my goal?” These steps will be your mini-goals. Take one step at a time

Step 7: Define Your Tasks for Every Mini-Goal

We’re going to make it even easier. We’ll break down every mini-goal into small easy-to-accomplish tasks. Tasks are usually the simple things you must do to accomplish a mini-goal. If you've set a mini-goal, for example, to have a complete understanding about the local property market August 11th, you will have to accomplish a number of tasks for acquiring that knowledge. • Choosing to going onto the internet and researching an investment strategy. Read a book for 30 minutes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, at specific times. Visiting a seminar or workshop and gaining knowledge and experience task. Calling your friend or establishing contact with someone that could join your network.

•

•

•

All of these tasks must be set with a deadline. By focusing your mind on the easy-to-accomplish tasks, and completing those tasks, you'll be making great progress towards your mini-goals without feeling overwhelmed. Make sure to write down ALL tasks, even those that take only a short while to complete. Then, when they're accomplished, cross them off. As more and more tasks are successfully accomplished, and crossed off, you'll find yourself becoming more encouraged, and more confident about your abilities. And the more tasks you complete on time, the closer you'll be to success. Clearly define your mini-goals

SMART Goal Setting

I encourage you to pick up a pen and a piece of paper and jot down the goals you want to reach. Look at each goal and evaluate it. Make any changes necessary to ensure it meets the criteria for SMART goals: S = Specific M = Measurable A = Attainable R = Realistic T = Timely Specific Goals should be straightforward and emphasize what you want to happen. Specifics help us to focus our efforts and clearly define what we are going to do. Specific is the What, Why, and How of the SMART model. WHAT are you going to do? Use action words such as direct, organize, coordinate, lead, develop, plan, build etc. WHY is this important to do at this time? What do you want to ultimately accomplish? HOW are you going to do it? (By...) Ensure the goals you set are very specific, clear and easy. Instead of setting a goal to lose weight or be healthier, set a specific goal to lose 4 cm off your waistline or to walk 5 miles at a brisk pace. Measurable If you can't measure it, you can't manage it. In the broadest sense, the whole goal statement is a measure for the project; if the goal is accomplished, the is a success. However, there are usually several short-term or small measurements that can be built into the goal. Choose a goal with measurable progress, so you can see the change occur. How will you see when you reach your goal? Be specific! "I want to read books of 100 pages on my own before a specific date” shows the specific target to be measure. "I want to be a good reader" is not as measurable. Establish solid criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach your goals.

Attainable When you identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop that attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. Your begin seeing previously overlooked opportunities to bring yourself closer to the achievement of your goals. Goals you set which are too far out of your reach, you probably won't commit to doing. Although you may start with the best of intentions, the knowledge that it's too much for you means your subconscious will keep reminding you of this fact and will stop you from even giving it your best. A goal needs to stretch you slightly so you feel you can do it and it will need a real commitment from you. For instance, if you aim to lose 10lbs in one week, we all know that isn't achievable. But setting a goal to loose 1lb and when you've achieved that, aiming to lose a further 1lb, will keep it achievable for you. The feeling of success which this brings helps you to remain motivated. Realistic This is not a synonym for "easy." Realistic, in this case, means "do-able." It means that the learning curve is not a vertical slope; that the skills needed to do the work are available; that the project fits with the overall strategy and goals of the organization. A realistic project may push the skills and knowledge of the people working on it but it shouldn't break them. Devise a plan or a way of getting there which makes the goal realistic. The goal needs to be realistic for you and where you are at the moment. A goal of never again eating sweets, chocolate or perhaps smoking may not be realistic for someone who really enjoys these foods. For instance, it may be more realistic to set a goal of eating a piece of fruit each day instead of one sweet item. You can then choose to work towards reducing the amount of sweet products gradually as and when this feels realistic for you. Be sure to set goals that you can attain with some effort! Too difficult and you set the stage for failure, but too low sends the message that you aren't very capable. Set the standard high enough for a satisfying achievement! Timely Set a timeframe for the goal: for next week, or next months, putting an end point on your goal gives you a clear target to work towards. If you don't set a time, the commitment is too vague. It tends not to happen because you feel you can start at any time. Without a time limit, there's no urgency to start taking action now. Time must be measurable, attainable and realistic. Everyone will benefit from goals and objectives if they are SMART. SMART, is the instrument to apply in setting your goals and objectives.

Writing Your Goals and Objectives

Why Writing Your Goals Is So Important?

Writing down your Dreams and Goals is an important first step towards achieving them. First, because by writing them down it forces you visualize your Goals. And second, because the act of writing them down creates a commitment on your part. Only about 5% of the population actually takes the time to write down their Goals and Dreams. Maybe that is why so few people actually are living the life that they would like to be living. Writing down your goals creates the roadmap to your success. Although just the act of writing them down can set the process in motion, it is also extremely important to review your goals frequently. Remember, the more focused you are on your goals the more likely you are to accomplish them. Here are the four rules of writing goals down: 1. Write your goal in the positive. Work for what you want, not for what you want to leave behind. Part of the reason why we write down and examine our goals is to create a set of instructions for our subconscious mind to carry out. Your subconscious mind is a very efficient tool, it can not determine right from wrong and it does not judge. It's only function is to carry out its instructions. The more positive instructions you give it, the more positive results you will get. Thinking positively in everyday life will also help in your growth as a human being. Don't limit it to goal setting. 2. Write your goals out in complete detail. Instead of writing "A new home," write "A country house with 5 bedrooms and 3 baths and a view of the sea". Once again we are giving the subconscious mind a detailed set of instructions to work on. The more information you give it, the more clear the final outcome becomes. The more precise the outcome, the more efficient the subconscious mind can become. Can you close your eyes and visualize the home I described above? Walk around the house. . Look down at the garden full of flowers. Can you see it? So can your subconscious mind. 3. Write in present tense. Write your goals down in the present tense. This is because the unconscious mind chooses a path of least resistance. If you write, "I will be slim" the unconscious mind does nothing thinking that the will be may be postponed until later. A friend had a business, which was losing money. He set his goal to break even the next month. Every month the next month would come and be this month so his goal would be true to break even the next month, which would never come. Eventually he changed his goal to, "I am breaking even this month." That very month he broke even for the first time. Write them in present tense, first person, as if they are currently true.

4. Re-write your goals. When the words are written and then repeatedly re-written they have maximum impact. So don't be content with a first draft. Write down your goal. Then rephrase it, compact it, add motivating adjectives, a week later you may want to adjust it again. Keep on fine-tuning. Writing your goals down is the first step to make the goals more real. Somehow having things in writing really makes them seem more important to most people. It will also make it easier to make the plans needed to reach your goals if you have something in writing. Putting it in writing breathes life into it making it a force which cannot be easily stopped.

Overcoming the Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is one of the greatest fears people have. Fear of failure is closely related to fear of criticism and fear of rejection. Successful people overcome their fear of failure. Fear incapacitates unsuccessful people. The Law of Feedback states: there is no failure; there is only feedback. Successful people look at mistakes as outcomes or results, not as failure. Unsuccessful people look at mistakes as permanent and personal. Buckminster Fuller wrote, "Whatever humans have learned had to be learned as a consequence only of trial and error experience. Humans have learned only through mistakes." Most people self-limit themselves. Most people do not achieve a fraction of what they are capable of achieving because they are afraid to try—because they are afraid they will fail. Take these steps to overcome your fear of failure and move yourself forward to getting the result you desire: Step One: Take action. Bold, decisive action. Do something scary. Fear of failure immobilizes you. To overcome this fear, you must act. When you act, act boldly. Action gives you the power to change the circumstances or the situation. You must overcome the inertia by doing something. Dr. Robert Schuller asks, "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" What could you achieve? Be brave and just do it. If it doesn’t work out the way you want, then do something else. But DO SOMETHING NOW. Step Two: Persist. Successful people just don’t give up. They keep trying different approaches to achieving their outcomes until they finally get the results they want. Unsuccessful people try one thing that doesn’t work and then give up. Often people give up when they are on the threshold of succeeding. Step Three: Don’t take failure personally. Failure is about behavior, outcomes, and results. Failure is not a personality characteristic. Although what you do may not give you the result you wanted, it doesn’t mean you are a failure. Because you made a mistake, doesn’t mean that you are a failure.

Step Four: Do things differently. If what you are doing isn’t working, do something else. There is an old saying, "if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got." If you’re not getting the results you want, then you must do something different. Most people stop doing anything at all, and this guarantees they won’t be successful. Step Five: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Hey, if nothing else, you know what doesn’t work. Failure is a judgment or evaluation of behavior. Look at failure as an event or a happening, not as a person. Step Six: Treat the experience as an opportunity to learn. Think of failure as a learning experience. What did you learn from the experience that will help you in the future? How can you use the experience to improve yourself or your situation? Ask yourself these questions: (1) What was the mistake? (2) Why did it happen? (3) How could it have been prevented? (4) How can I do better next time? Then use what you learned from the experience to do things differently so you get different results next time. Learn from the experience or ignore it. Step Seven: Look for possible opportunities that result from the experience. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says "every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit." Look for the opportunity and the benefit. Step Eight: Fail forward fast. Tom Peters, the management guru, says that in today's business world, companies must fail forward fast. What he means is that the way we learn is by making mistakes. So if we want to learn at a faster pace, we must make mistakes at a faster pace. The key is that you must learn from the mistakes so you make so you don't repeat them. Although we all make mistakes, fear of failure doesn't have to cripple you. As self-help author Susan Jeffers says, "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

Working Exercises Turning DREAMS Into Reality

Action Sheet

Use this worksheet to create a list of dreams, goals and desires for the future. Don’t worry at this stage how you will achieve these dreams, or the details. Simply create a list to be used as a starting point.

Oh ...

I wish I could be Sandra Oh……..

 

I wish….this unease and restlessness goes away…

I wish … some change happens in my life for the better…

And I wish, I could drift…. And not care…

 

Oh I just wish …. I realize the unsaid … 

I wish … I could get lost .. or loose myself … I wish to cease this kind of existence….

 

Ok I am just frustrated and not working hard enouf… I don’t have a purpose in life… and drifters never reach anywhere….

 

 

I wish to cease this drifting, taking things as it comes… I wish to fight… fight fair and square….

 

Oh … this post is frustrating and boring… I am restless…. and sleepless; and done for this life time.

 

 

Oh Sandra Oh……… I wish I were as strong as you…

True friendship will show itself when needed

I saved this one because I felt it was the most important thought for you to be left with.

As I went through the process of planning for and preparing for this move, to say that my life was chaotic would not even begin to cover it. Between the work that I do, and all that went into this entire process, I have been running crazy for months.

Through it all, there was one person who bent over backwards for me on every occasion, although at the same time she maintained her own integrity by not bending so far that she didn't tend to her own needs in the process.

I am an active social person, and I have a lot of friends from all over the U.S., most of whom I see at least semi-frequently during annual get-togethers that we have planned. However, I could count the people who would do for me what this person did on less than one hand.

The person in question knows who it is, so I won't call them out by name, except of course to say Thank You for all that you did! I'm quite sure I haven't expressed that sentiment as much as I should have. You have been there for me darling :-) … just a phone call away!

I guess you have to give friendship a chance – and then again I am forced to quote “these are passing phases....if itz bad enjoy the bad...if itz good..cherish the good...if u think u have frnds...they will stick along....if u dont..they will perish....dont go about clinging on to them! u made ur effort...that should satisfy u....now deal with the task at hand which is more than anything else! advise hai...je pasaand aayi taan bann layi nahi aayi taan vee vadiya hai inney dinna tton v taan survive kar hee rahi hain....hauli hauli aadat paijaugee...” jan 14^th  

“never feel some one has gone away.....its just he/she needed some more space...and we being good frnds understand that and give him/her the desired!

frndships are forever...never think of breaking any...or losing any....they can neither be broken nor won...its the vibrations which bring us together....so dear just chill and cheer that we hv frnds who are so close to us that they can say any damn word to us...and we to them.. mood mood ki baat hoti hai..aur mauke mauke ki...dil pe nahi lene ka....mast rehne ka...samjhe....smile always:-)” june 25^th 2007  

 

“jitehy marzi jaa muteaareh….. hun sadey walon chutiaan ney!” 

 

The Lesson: You may have an address book full of names, a contact list a mile long, or even a database of the hundreds of people that you know all over the world, and that is a wonderful thing. However, how many fingers and toes would it take for you to count the number of people who would truly jump through fire for you? Once you have that figure, pick up the phone and call them right now just to say "Thanks for being my friend"   

Ironically, there are always lessons that one learns over one’s life time – past year has taught me much.

 

 

 

How to Find Happiness: 7 Timeless Tips from the Last 2500 Years

Published September 26th, 2007 in Personal Development and Lessons I have learned from....

What do you want?

A great job?

A fulfilling relationship?

Go sailing around the Pacific for a few years in your very own luxurious boat?

Or just to get along better with yourself?

Perhaps you want one of more of those things. But beneath those and many common wishes, if you take it a step further, often lies a wish to find happiness.

One good way to find a few useful, life-improving and time-tested tips is to look back. To look way back through history. To find ideas that have arisen in minds over and over the last few thousand years. Here are seven such ideas about how you can find happiness. Maybe you´ll find them helpful.

1. You choose.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

The world of those who are happy is different from the world of those who are not.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

How your view yourself and your world are conscious choices and habits. The lens you choose to view everything through determines how you will interpret what is happening. And from your interpretation you act. And all of this becomes your life.

You can choose to find happiness in small, everyday things. You can choose to interpret what happens in a positive way. Or in a negative way.

And your choices controls much of how much happiness your will find and create in your life.

2. Focus on the present, not yesterday or tomorrow.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
James Oppenheim

You only have now. And now. And now. Yesterday is a memory and you cannot change it. Tomorrow is just a fantasy in your mind right now. So live more in the now, focus on the present moment and today. Think and worry less about yesterday and tomorrow. Otherwise you might miss a great deal of happiness that is available to you right now.

3. Don’t forget to be grateful.

Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.
Fyodor Dostoevsky

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
Frederick Keonig

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
Marcel Proust

One of the simplest and quickest ways to turn a negative and sour mood into a more positive one is to be grateful.

A few things you can feel gratitude for are for instance: The sunshine and the weather. Your roof. Your health. A good TV-show, a movie or a song. Your friends, family, co-workers and just about anyone walking down the street.

Just try if for a minute and see how it changes how you feel. And it’s a win/win solution. You feel great because you are grateful about your world and the people you are grateful for feel great too because they feel appreciated. So don´t forget about gratitude or you may forget about the happiness that is already in your life.

4. Help someone else find happiness.

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
Buddha

If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.
Chinese Proverb

Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.
Bernard Meltzer

This is certainly one of the most popular ideas I’ve found about happiness. And it might sound clichéd and empty. But it works very well. When you make someone else happy – by, for example, helping them with something - you can sense, see, feel and hear it. And that happy feeling flows back to you. And then, if you’d like, you can boost you own ego by thinking something like: ”Wow, I really made him/her happy!”.

And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. Or they might feel like helping/sharing it with someone else. And so the two – or more – of you keep spreading the happiness.

5. Get rid of a couple of your less valuable desires.

If thou wilt make a man happy, add not unto his riches but take away from his desires.
Epicurus

You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.
Eric Hoffer

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.
Henry David Thoreau

If you want less instead of more, more, more then your desires are more likely to be fulfilled. And if you throw away a few of those desires that you may not really want or need that much anyway you’ll probably start to feel less stressed and worried. This is a calmer and better place to be to enjoy your day (tip #2) and to take the time discover the happiness that is already in your life (tip #3).

6. Do what you like to do.

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
Albert Schweitzer

Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

A pretty obvious one. But it’s still easy to trap yourself into doing what you don’t want to for many, many hours. And seldom do what you really love to do. And I guess this one ties into tip #1. You may not be able to choose to do what you want to do right now. Or for many hours each day or week. But you almost always have a choice to do more of what you really want to do. There is always time. Or time you can free up. You have a choice.

7. Or at least do something.

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.
Benjamin Disraeli

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain

One of the best ways to not find happiness is just to hold yourself back and do nothing. Seldom show up. Paralyze yourself through over analysis. It’s not always easy to take action, it can be scary and hard and difficult. But if you don’t take action you’ll be missing out on a lot. Including many moments, people and experiences that can bring you a lot of happiness.

 

The difference between love and friendship

Write you must

A long time I have been ccp –iying the posts.. nothing original straight from the heart has been written …  but I have been so busy doing practically nothing. The time spent in the daily tasks that seem so mundane devours up all my free time and to get a release as we all need from time to time upon occasion, I watch TV – yeah .. but not everything – just Gray’s Anatomy… man I am in love with that – the characters especially the interns, Dr Bailey is someone to reckon with – she is a wonderful character, balanced, collected – compassionate. Dr Yang – some may call her semi-robotic, but her practicality and hard work has impressed me, we always look up to people who possess certain qualities that we wish we had in ourselves, her composure – opaque expression is something I wish I could get, no matter what she is going through – nothing shows on her face – no matter what. 

 

The beautiful friendship that Meredith and Christina share – is so rare and beautiful, its something to be cherished. This is what gives meanings to certain relationships in life.  The most beautiful relationship and the most steady one besides family of course –  it’s nothing else but ‘Friendship’ .   No matter when you connect – even if its been ages you get to hear from your friends, you pick up from where you left off, its as if you were never apart – you just catch up on the highlights of each other’s lives. 

 

Phases in lives happen, people get busy, and now fortunately for me I have also gotten busy – I am writing , its boring tedious job – but I am hanging in there – it will culminate, this too shall pass – baby – change is the law of life, nothing lasts forever, change is the only lasting entity. The sooner it is accepted the better off you will be. Things come and go – same happens with people, phases hit you in waves, but they too shall pass, but loving bonds stay the same – no matter what.

 

All said and done cuz after everything – in the end -life DOES go on!

 

  

Transformation

Light does not conquer darkness by pushing the darkness out of the way. Rather, the light comes into the darkness and transforms it with brilliant, positive energy.

In the same way, the obstacles in life are not conquered by fighting them on their own terms or attempting to push them out of the way. The best way to move past a difficult situation is to transform it with positive, productive energy.

No matter how much you push against the darkness it will not go anywhere. Yet the moment you shine your light, the darkness is no more.

When you fight against your problems, all it usually accomplishes is to make them stronger and give them more validity. That's certainly not what you would ever intend.

Instead, seek to transform those problems, those difficult situations, by virtue of your own positive values and efforts. Focusing on what you're working toward is far better than being obsessed with whatever you think you're against.

Rather than struggling against the situation, give the best you have to it. Rather than fighting darkness with more darkness, transform that darkness by letting your light shine.

-- Ralph Marston

 

 

 

 

Are you your own worst enemy?

Who talks you out of more things than anyone else? Your spouse? Your parents? Your boss? Your lawyer? If you're like most people, the answer probably is: yourself.

You have an "inner voice" that has opinions on everything you do. That inner voice has its own perspective on you as a person, and is acutely aware of your limitations and shortcomings. Every time you attempt to step out of your box, to try something new and challenging, that inner voice starts in on you. "You can never do that," it says.

Well, that inner voice is wrong. You can do it if you set your mind to it, no matter what has happened in the past. In fact, your biggest obstacle is convincing yourself that you can. The first step in doing that is to acknowledge that the "inner voice" exists, and then take steps to counteract it.

The inner voice will always be there. You can't get rid of it. But you can keep it from dominating your thoughts and actions by supplying yourself with plenty of positive input.

Get yourself around positive, future-oriented people. Read books, listen to tapes, talk back to the voice and say, "Yes I can!" Dwell on the possibilities, not the risks. Model the behavior of successful people. Take action toward your goals. Remind yourself of your accomplishments and of the challenges you've overcome in the past. Write down your goals and review them at least once a day. Find your purpose in life keep yourself focused on it.

You can accomplish great things if you'll just let yourself do it.

-- Ralph Marston

 

 

 

 

courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.' "

Mary Anne Radmacher (1957 - )American artist

By reading this, you absolve the author of all liabilities resultant of above content

You can decide

The attitude you have is the attitude you have chosen. When you find that you've worked your way into a negative mindset, you have what it takes to also work your way back out.

You can truly change the world by changing the way you look at it. In an instant, by realizing you have the power, you can inject new positive energy and enthusiasm into your life.

In what kind of world do you wish to live? This very moment, you can adopt an attitude that will make that world appear before your eyes.

Much of what happens all around you is out of your control. And yet you can completely control what is most important.

For you can decide for yourself what it all means. And you can choose what to make of it all.

Are you ready to live life completely on your own terms, with positive purpose and passion? When you are ready, you will.

-- Ralph Marston

 

dittoed again - fear?

What is stopping you from getting what you want in life?

Your friends?

Your family?

A sense that failure – or success – might change your life and that feeling uncomfortable?

A sense that the people around you might disapprove of you aiming for what you want, of you succeeding or failing.

Essentially it boils down to fear. The big roadblock, sometimes the massive wall in the middle of road that keeps you from getting what you want.

How to overcome it? Here´s some useful ways I have found so far.

1. Taking small steps

This is good for fear that can seem overwhelming at first. For instance the strong feeling – it can almost feel like a flight or fight-response – just before doing public speaking or asking someone out for a date. If you´re for instance nervous socially you might not feel able to ask people out on dates right away. The fear of being rejected and that others might think less of you if you get turned down can make many of us feel unable to ask the question.

A solution is to take small steps instead. Steps like first just saying hi to people. Or starting to talk more to people online via forums and Instant Messaging. And then trying to be more involved in conversations to exercise your conversation-muscles. I guess one could say that you gradually de-sensitize yourself to social situations or whatever you are afraid of. Or, seeing it in a more motivating way, building courage and expanding your comfort zone in this part of your life (which is something that often bleeds over to other areas of life too.)

So, identify your fear. Then make a plan with some smaller steps you can take to gradually lessen your discomfort.

2. Getting some concrete, positive motivation

Getting to the stage where you really feel that you need to stop waiting – or need stop reading one personal development book after another – and take action can take some time. One way to get moving is to replace some of your negative thoughts – that creates negative feelings – with clear, positive reasons to get going.

Take 5 minutes. Take out a pice of paper and a pen. And write down all the wonderful ways you can come up with how making this change will improve your life.

Lack of motivation can get you stuck while contemplating how much your life sucks. If you don´t become clear on you motivation it can become hard to get going and knowing why you are actually need to change.

Writing down all the wonderful things you will gain in your life by overcoming this fear can be powerful. Focus on those positive things to get motivated and inspired. Revisit your page of paper when you feel discouraged, uncomfortable or afraid. Even if it loses it´s inspiring effect gradually, it can be the initial trigger to unstick you. The spark to get you started to take those first actions that sends you into an upward-spiral of thought and action.

3. Seeing failure and rejection in a new light

Often it´s easier to not do something because we fear failure and rejection. We may fear failure when starting on a new career-path. And rejection from friends, family and the people around us if we fail. Or we might be afraid of being rejected when asking someone out.

However, as I have written before, the definition of failure we are brought up with in society might not be the best and most useful to have. If you look at the most successful people you quickly notice that they have a different response to failure than the more common one.

They don´t take failure or rejection that seriously. They know it´s not the end of the world if they fail. Instead they look at each failure and see the good part about: what they can learn from it and improve next time.

They have an abundance-mentality. They know that if their first business-venture fails it feels like crap for a while but it´s ok in the long run. They learn from it and then they try again.

If they are rejected for date, do they give up? Probably not. They know that next week or the week after they might find someone else that´s interesting and ask them out.

They know that there are a lot of good people out there. That there are a lot of good business opportunities out there. But they have also learned that to become successful at anything you have to fail perhaps 5, 10, 20 times or more.

The morning of day when you learned to ride a bike you fell of it time and time again. But you just brushed yourself of, perhaps cried for minutes or two and then you got up on the bike again. And towards the afternoon, or the next day, you probably started to become pretty good at riding your bike.

The same applies here. You have work on your skills to sharpen them. See failure or rejection not as something incredible negative that might end your life if it strikes. Redefine it in your mind to lessen the negative emotional impact and the fear. See failure simply as feedback on what you need to improve on. Listen to the advice the failure gives you and you will improve. And success will come.

If you fear what other may think about you if you fail, take a look at Why you should not compare yourself to others for some thoughts on the need for validation from others.

4. Being in the now

What this means is to keep yourself steadily in the now. Not letting your thoughts and emotions run away to the future or the past. That doesn´t mean that you don´t make plans, of course. You might think about asking someone out. You make plans on when to do it or perhaps what to say.

But being in the now means to not getting your mind stuck in a kind of psychological and emotional headspace that is placed in the past or future. It means not dwelling on what has gone wrong before and what could go wrong tonight or tomorrow. Such thinking will only create and ramp up your fear to the point where you feel unable to do anything. And just feel like running away.

Instead, make your plans. Then just be and don´t think about the future. Focus on the now and what needs to be done now. The future will be the now soon enough. And when you´re arrive there it will be much easier to get things done when you have created a minimal amount of stress and fear within your mind.

Whenever you feel fear, your mind is often dragged into a hypothetical, future scenario where you think you might fail. Your brain is over-analyzing a possible situation, which leads for many of us, to a negative, downward spiral of thoughts. This expands and empowers your fear to the point where you become almost paralyzed. So, how do you beat the fear in such situations?

You stop fighting. You surrender.

How to surrender:

Let me explain. By surrender, I don´t mean that you should give up and go home.

Instead, when you feel fear then accept the feeling. Don´t try to fight it or to keep it out (like many of us have learned throughout life).

Say yes to it.

Surrender and let it in.

Observe the feeling in your mind and body without labelling or judging it. If you let it in – for me the feeling then often seems physically locate itself to the middle of my chest - and just observe it for maybe a minute or two something wonderful happens. The feeling just vanishes.

I´ve mentioned this technique in several different articles already. And, yeah, I´m still amazed of how well it works.

As you surrender to the fear instead of fighting it the negative energy will pass through you and your body will release it. And you can return to focusing on the now once again.

Focusing on the now not only reduces fear but also increases the chances of you succeeding as your mind is focused, your confidence ain´t shattered and your thoughts become clear. It also makes it easier to succeed because when you are in the now you are not that self-conscious – something that quickly can lead to insecurity - but instead focused on the outside world and people you are interacting with.

I highly recommend reading the Power of Now and/or A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle to learn about more practical advice for being in the now. Both books are excellent and have, for me, been extremely revealing and helpful.

5. Redefining you, me and reality

To change yourself and overcoming fear you have to be prepared and willing to redefine yourself.

You have to be willing to try these things out for yourself and keep practising. No one can do it for you. But if you do that you can make what may seem to you to be big progress pretty quickly. And when you get used to it and these things become more and more habitual you will start to do them naturally.

But since it seems that just about everyone is addicted to their own personality, consistent change in behaviour will still probably be kinda slow and gradual (with some epiphanies).

An addiction to positivity can lessen the fear in your mind of what might happen in a new, unfamiliar situation or how someone might respond to what you are saying. A negative view of the world can create fear and hold you back. But if you, for instance, become more positive – try the Positivity Challenge! - many of the people you meet will respond in a similar manner. In general, no matter how you think about the world, people are often like a somewhat of a mirror for you.

Change will be hard if you deep down still think: I am this shy or negative or scared person. “That´s just who I am”, you tell yourself. “Always have been, always will be”. And will be the truth for you as long as you think it´s the truth. If you are prepared and ready to change, you can however rewrite what you perceive as the truth about yourself and your personality, thoughts, actions and emotions.

Something I´ve recently started to think about and apply is what´s called Subjective Reality. Although I don´t fully understand it yet – I think – basically what it means is that there is no separation on the world. There is no you and I separated from each other (like in the more common worldview many of us are accustomed to).

Instead we are one.

You might not fully understand it or internalize it – I haven´t yet – but just going into a conversation with perspective that you and the other(s) are connected and really just one can be very useful.

When you apply this perspective on the world it’s a lot harder feeling fear. Or being mean or unkind. Just like it´s hard to do those things to yourself. Without the perspective of separation it seems like you – almost automatically - become calmer, kinder, less fearful and more open. It feels like you are naturally connected to the rest of the world.

Steve Pavlina has written a lot about Subjective Reality, so if you want to explore that further I recommend this link.

As for now and for me, I am focusing mainly on numbers 4 and 5. And I believe I´m just beyond getting started. I can probably deepen the understanding and application of those two points for months and years. A replacing such deeply - socially and habitually - ingrained beliefs and ways of thinking will probably take some time.