Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Stress Buster

I dont really know how it happened, but I have been super stressed lately, I mean I know the official definition of stress or what are the symptoms. I have experienced the lowest stage... the frustration. I have been overwhelmed with my research. But well you all know this already.

Big deal, but i was just wondering... what kind of person am I who is ready and willing to open up and pour my hear out to any willing listener... its all about .. meri life ki sorry story... aur I am really tired and bored of this sorry phase. I wish it gets over soon.

Some changes have to be put in effect... hey listen to this... To achieve something you've never achieved before, you must become someone you've never been before. -Bria Tracy

and then To the question of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution. -Joe Cordare

so seeking solutions... has been keeping me busy... I havent found any yet. But I am more aware of what isnt working for me.

I have been under a self imposed exile... shunned all contact from the outside world, except a few ppl... and they have been at the recieving end of all the unwanted attention and had to share my blues... well should not forget to mention my family... who have been there all along...

I have been feeling truly hopeless, clueless, miserable, distressed.... yukkky... frustrated... but to hell with all of this. I have to learn to live with it and accept it try to change .

Dell Customer Advocate, Todd:- deserves a spl mention as his comment on my Dell experience entry initiated a dialogue, which has resulted in my laptop getting new external look this new year. Thank you !

Till laters



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Friday, December 08, 2006

RELAX! DETACH!



To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly. Things, people, or conditions that you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you with no struggle or effort on your part, and you are free to enjoy and appreciate them - while they last. All those things, of course, will still pass away, cycles will come and go, but with dependency gone there is no fear of loss anymore. Life flows with ease.

-Eckhart Tolle
The Power of Now





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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Today is 5th n my 85th post...

Only 20 days to christmas, need to seek the new years resolutions...
every year i used to make them religiously and break them with equal zeal.

but this year i wish things to be different... i have successfully completed so many years of life, experienced numerous joys sorrows, failures and a few successes as well.
Over all I don't know why, i still termed my life as successful so far.. may be cuz i am in an optimistic mode today after a long time..

Met P today, see even though i couldn't satify him but still mood is not off.. it has been influenced by his mood... cuz he didn't give me a hard time.. i feel motivated again... yes I can do it.. and i will do it.. its just talking its own sweet time.. but I will get it done!

I am shooting for the year end as my deadline.. lets c

I also realized how our behavious affects the other ppl's actions and motivations too at times... may be that is why they say man is a social animal. its really interesting how, a few sec's exchange with unknown ppl lifts up the mood .. and at times some folks simply make you see red.. is it all about the vibes ? or is there a pattern somewhere... would like to reasearch on it sometime... may be we can develop an mathematical probabalistic model as well.. one of the reason that got me interested in Biostatistics.. but PhD..? .. I don't want to study for exams anymore.. i just want to work on stuff I like.. he he
any comments?

aap ki Nimmo

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my 84th post

I just felt like blogging, even though there was nothing much to share today.
Just had a random thought how the things in life and our conversations go at times... its so strange that an hour or more of conversation will not do much to lift the spirits, but even 3 words in a mail have the power to tranform the day into a bunch of smiles :-) and can provide a huge rush of adrenaline in the system and setting you up on an emotional high.

Just a thought, i felt like sharing.


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Thursday, November 30, 2006

Krake daar sardi ka anubhav in Lubbock!

In my close to 2 year stay at this place... its my first experience with snow... I decided to stay at home today and convinced my roomies to get an internet connection!

I don't want to freeze myself when all i need to get the work done is my laptop and an internet connection!

Last night I literally froze while coming back home from the library. shuttle service runs on the campus and the outskirts.. walking the last 600 foot steps reminded me of walking in the product blast freezers , the most dreaded of all my tasks of my last job.

Thinking of job, has made me aware of my present finacial distress, hope fully I will get paid next year.

Regards,

A frozen Broke Posted by Picasa

Monday, November 27, 2006

Consumer woes and the US food market..

The crazy US food market! The cause of obesity in US of A. Its not the sytem so much to blame but every morsel of processed food you put in your mouth can be traced to corn in some form or the other.

High fructose corn syrup. Modified starch occurs so high up in the food label in almost 90% of the foods a consumer buys. Its a shaming fact, cuz even besides the attempts at making the consumer aware of all this ; there are simply non existent options for an average busy consumer. RTE Food is like a slow poison that gets ingested at every meal time and the only other option is to get fresh food and cook at home, then too there is no guarantee that it is not hormone or something else injected or irradiated.... damn!
I wish I can keep my meals simple and wholesome.

So please choose carefully which poison you would prefer for your meal. It really ends in tradeoff among the expensive and cheaper version and the fight for the trusted brand names.

Foods stay fresh, hardly ever spoil... but did u ever see how it spoils if it does at any time.... u would know what I mean. The concept of organic is kicking up.... as a result but is unaffordable...
I am reading this book by Upton Sinclar, named "The Jungle" and the only improvment in the industry over the span of a century has been the hygine aspect... and that too I am sure cuz of the recall scare.. besides that I things it is all the same...
this book is avalable here http://sunsite.berkeley.edu/Literature/Sinclair/TheJungle/


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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Sunny view 2

The building is the TTU Heath science center, beyond that is my dept!
Lubbock ki flat dhool bhari waadeeyan :-) Posted by Picasa

view from the window - 75F

 Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A Dell Experience, ... with disgust!

Early this year i saw that my Labtop hand rest has hairline cracks on both the edges. At that time I was in the 1 yr warranty period so I was able to get it replaced without any hassle. But this problem has occoured again... what to do?
I talked to the dell customer support person, and they recommended me to call the out of warranty assistance. .. what the heck,.. I don't have that kind of money to waste on that stupid issue.. but it seems like a recuuring issue... the same thing has happened again so... it would continue and eventually i would buy a new laptop... eventually. Till now decided to live with it, the way it is.
My crappy software is giving me some licence server issues and has refused to start from the past 3 days!. My prof is sick with flu and is not responding to my sos calls... so my work has hung up and all this mess has put me in a terrible mood. Being technically challenged as I found out recently and my aptitude and patience for this kind of stuff is too low.

I have finally decided that I am going to decide nothing! as regards anything for my future and let things come my way and then deal with them as i see fit.

I am finding myself in wierd mood these days, I would like to term it as brooding.
Have been listening to the same 3 songs for hours in the past 3 days... I still don't remember the lyrics but am ready to hear somthing new.

Today we had a departmental thanksgiving luncheon downstairs, which I decided not to attend because of the limited vegetarian options available and justified my decision from past experince where i had ended up picking on the food, which was pathetically nothing but chips and smiling at ppl you don't know, don't have anything to talk about except nodding your head like a bobby pin and feeling silly and out of place. So instead ended up being a social recluse and muched on my pack of Rosemary & Olive Oil Triscuit. I had been saving some candy for a freind for a while but I ate that too. So now should I give them an unsealed box or buy a new one? with this I have stopped to surprize myself at how disgusting and pathetic I can get!

Happy Thanksgiving!






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Friday, November 17, 2006

... A story.. that was repeated... almost..

One Friendly Act

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my

class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked

like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself,” Why would

anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a

nerd. “I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game

with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so shrugged my shoulders and

went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping

him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them

land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this

terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged

over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses and I

saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said,” Those

guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and

said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of

those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his

books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near

me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had

gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with

a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried

his books for him. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if

he wanted to play football on Saturday with my friends and me. He

said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the

more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday

morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books

again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you’re going to really build

serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed

and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I

became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about

college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to duke. I

knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be

a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business

on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased

him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for

graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and

speak. On graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one

of those guys that really found him during high school. He filled out

and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and

all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one

of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So,

I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!"

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and

smiled. Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his

throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped

you make it through those tough years; your parents, your teachers,

your siblings, maybe a coach but mostly your friends. I am here to tell

all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give

him or her. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend

with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had

planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had

cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was

carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little

smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the

unspeakable.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this

handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful

smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small

gesture you can change a person's life, for better or worse. God

puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some

way.


Friday, November 10, 2006

I wish to join Stanford....

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a

homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and

walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard's

outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such

backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably

didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.

She frowned. "We want to see the president," the man said softly.

"He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady

replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple

would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't. And the

secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president,

even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. "Maybe if they

just see you for a few minutes, they'll leave," she told him. And he

sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance

obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he detested

gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office.

The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the couple.

The lady told him, "We had a son that attended Harvard for one year.

He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was

accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a

memorial to him, somewhere on campus."

The president was not touched; he was shocked. "Madam," he said

gruffly. "We can't put up a statue for every person who attended

Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery".

"Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue.

We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard." The

president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and

homespun suit, and then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any

earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a

half million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard." For a moment the

lady was silent. The president was pleased. He could get rid of them

now. And the lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it

costs to start a University? Why don't we just start our own?" Her

husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and

bewilderment. And Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away,

travelling to Palo Alto, California where they established the

University that bears their name, a memorial to a son that Harvard no

longer cared about.

"You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat

those who can do nothing for them or to them."





Thursday, November 09, 2006

I am not complaining anymore.....

It was a very cold winter night! A sparrow had spent two nights out

with only the meagre shelter of a tree. He decided that he couldn't

survive a third night, so he left the tree to find a better shelter.

As he flew he got colder and colder, until his little wings froze solid

and he fell to the ground.As he lay there freezing he realised that his end was near and he prayed for death to come quickly.

Suddenly, in his semiconscious state, he had a feeling of being

enveloped in a warm covering.

He regained consciousness to find that a friendly cow had dropped a

luxurious deposit all over him.

The warmth gave him a new lease of life, and the sparrow's comfort

made him feel very happy, so he started to sing. A passing pussycat

heard the chirping, located the heap, carefully removed the

excrement to reveal the little sparrow, and promptly ate him up..........

There are three morals to this sad story: -

1. If someone shits on you, they are not necessarily your enemy.

2. If someone gets you out of the shit, they are not necessarily your

friends.

3. If you are in the shit and happy - keep your mouth shut.

To state the same facts in a polished manner: -

1. If someone harms you unknowingly, they are not necessarily your

enemy.

2. If someone tries to help you out, they are not necessarily your

friends.

3. Even if you are not in very good condition but you are happy, keep

your mouth shut (don't cry that I don't have this and that).

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Friend Power!

Good Morning

I have been in a weird mood coupled with so much stress and work pressure this past week. The times are a bit trying these days for me, amidst so many faux passes and goof ups that are slowly getting linked up with me(still reeling with the aftermath of the quake other things are still coming up). L  kal pata nahi kya naya scandal hone waala hai uska pata nahi..

Ok, I admit its all my fault I have not been able to fully keep my focus on the priorities in my life have been a bit pushy lately and trying to direct lives according to what I felt would be for the best in all this I simply failed to realize in my enthusiasm and over involvement that it is all going to fall about my ears one day. After that rude awakening I realized its not the first time things like this have happened with me. I have always wished and pushed people to their potential on the verge of being bossy and overbearing at times issuing directives even went ahead and have chalked out the PAPs (personal actions plans) for them prepared routines and timetables for them (please note my life has been wonderfully disorganized and projects had to wait to be finished, while I worked mundane projects for others considering those to be priorities while they were busy pursuing other goals/interests)

Unfortunately, my memory is short term and very selective for hurt and disappointments like this. I tend to wallow in misery and self pity and feel disgusted with myself again and again but the moment a similar opportunity presents itself again I jump right ahead completely forgetting my prior wonderful experiences and as expected I face the same results So what do you call a person who repeats the same mistakes and refuses to learn from them ? ? ?

 

I am a very good organizer and a manager but when it comes to personal time management I am the biggest flop show that ever existed on the face of this earth It is still a matter of surprise & mystery to me, how I could get where I am today with religiously practicing the golden ways of time wastage I find to squander away my most precious ever depleting resource

I had not planed to write about all post depressional phase post but words simply pored out and my fingers were self directed on the key pad and I didnt have the courage or the mood to exercise restrain but I am fortunate to have a bunch of kindred spirits who watch out for me and even when I was feeling deep in the ditches with not even a ray of light or hope they have gifted me with a smile and wiped away the tears made me laugh at my own mistakes and helped me move on, gently guiding me along, still accepting me in a totally non judgmental way.

And all of a sudden the world doesnt feel so bad anymore and I know today that for these wonderful souls I shall do all I can they are my Friend Power and I am blessed to have them J every second of life that I am able to spend with them, which ever way possible is of immense worth to me!...

distances are a mere phones call away


I know one day we will all be at worthy places well settled in life and in our respective professions. Wonderful things will happen to all of us along, no matter how things turn out in the future for us, but we shall be there for each other Just a mere phone call away…”

Amen!  

Saturday, October 28, 2006

21 Things tu muse about..

Top 21 things an Indian does after returning to India from "US". Good One!
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
19. Sprays duo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds". S
ays "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbingevery time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), andcounts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far aspossible(but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee"several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, YZee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY,says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he isexperiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
4. Looks speciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food. Few more important
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airwaysby which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries toroll the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one1.

Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I wasin US..."

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Beware! :-)




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Kaahe Re....

'Deep within the self is the light of God. It radiates throughout the expanse of his creation. Through the Guru's teaching, the darkness of spiritual ignorance is dispelled. The heart lotus flower blossoms forth and eternal peace is obtained, as one's light merges into the supreme light.'
Guru Amar Das, Majh, pg. 126, SGGS.

Kahae Re Bun Khojan Jaee:
Why do you go looking for Him in the forest? Although He is unattached, He dwells everywhere. He is always with you as your companion. Like the fragrance which remains in the flower, and like the reflection in the mirror,the Lord dwells deep within; search for Him within your own heart, O Friend. Outside and inside, know that there is only the One Lord; the Guru has imparted this wisdom to me. O servant Nanak, without knowing one's own self, the moss of doubt (Illusion of being separate from God and fellow beings) is not removed.
Dhanasaree, Ninth Mehl,

Friday, October 20, 2006

Kissa kuch ek unknown smiles ka...

So, it’s back to the university life once again. I have found some changes in my attitude to campus life Hey I have started liking it, actually. I wanted to work in the corporate sphere for a while and it was a just a welcome break.

I have some unfinished business to take care of here so let’s work on that now. Luckily I have my own room in library... an individual study carrel... which allows you to work without distraction.. but me being me will seek distraction of the virtual world. Loosing track of time. But considering the number of extra hours I put in it still is a better bargain..

Another thing, I got a wonderful desktop in my office.. 64 bit 3 gb and all that.. it’s the server pc.. apni research taan ghait hai.. te hun.. fir research progress n deadlines mandraana shuru ho gayeena.. so as a result, I have started spending my days and work till late nights in my office.

On my homebound journey in the campus shuttle one night. I sat beside 2 dark girls and well they seemed to be in a vehement discussion. I couldn’t help but hear.. as my ears dont have the power to automatically shut off sound when I hear it and that to when its loud. I found their topic of discussion very mundane and superficial at the start. One of the girls was expressing her frustration as she felt that she was being treated in a racial discriminatory way by the students (read guys) as when ever she would walk by an American or an Indian they would return her smile.. but the ABCAs( American born confused Americans.. he he..no offense..) esp African American guys would not return the similar courtesy. This was unfair and unjust.. and all the guys were doing that 90% of the African American population did that to her and she was labeling the whole lot in that general behavior. Her friend was trying to convince her that yes, agreed some guys dont smile back and show indifference but that doesn’t mean the whole population is bad.. there are those who do return this  courtesy.

Ok, now since this never ending discussion was loud and I started developing some sort of headache, my initial thoughts started from well so what??  What do you care??

Does it matter so much?? Girl get a grip, what are your priorities?? later on.. I realized well come to think of it what about the desis Vs the ABCDs in the US what about them? You ask.. aren’t we the same way.. segregating .. isnt it true that the desis avoid the ABCDs.. the ABCDs tend to stay among themselves though both desis and ABCDs will have cross cultural friends, but rarely have I seen a close friendship among desis and ABCDs.. a matter of smiles and keeping their distance and identities.. he he

I dont know where their discussion would have ended cuz I reached my stop and got off the shuttle and went hope blissful sleep!

But I still dont care as my priorities in life are far more important to me than this mundane happenings and occurrences even if these things are there, I tend to not get futile discussions of this sort, but find other type of futile discussions all the same..:)

Keep a smile on your face today, for you may never know who may be falling in love with your smile! J

Friday, October 13, 2006

Time to Kill vs No time at all..

Sat Sri Akal Ji,

Have ever experienced the shortage of time to accomplish the tasks? And then one day, all of a sudden if everything comes to a stop… what would you do?

I am on my way back and without any prior notice or compensation; continental airlines have canceled my flight. I have been put on standby for 6:00 pm departure please note its 12:10 pm I reached Houston Airport. I am confirmed for next morning 6:00am departure. There is slim chance of getting on that one. The next one on standby is 9:10 pm.. confirmed for 6:00am the next morning. One whole day in Houston airport.. hmm = Time to kill L or J .. well its beautiful outside.. same as any coastal area.. Rain n thunderstorm.. so the wonderful idea burst I had of visiting the city .. got dropped as some good sense prevailed. I don’t know anyone in Houston and how do I kill time?

An interesting co incidence, I would call it… I had got stuck the same way in Phoenix airport too.. but it was only 3 hrs.. but this time the forecast looks like 12 hrs.  and being me I did manage to survive the last time and actually I do have some interesting ideas to try out today.. one of them being.. put in practice right this moment. Luckily, I found a very quiet corner this time so I hopefully will be able to come out with some ideas to entertain myself in a productive way. Being the phone addict that I prefer to be given a chance, however as ppl are unreachable due to various reasons I have to look for other ways to keep myself occupied. I need to get some paperwork started and as long as the charge lasts. I will try to get things done. So hopefully, I will be pleasantly occupied for the rest of my stay here. Happy in Houston.

Best Regards,

Nimrat


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

..how to have a happy life..

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.


TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.


THREE. Don't spend all you have or sleep all you want.


FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.


FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.


SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.


SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.


EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have anything to look forward to.


NINE. Love ! deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.


TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly.


ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.


TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.


THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"


FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.


FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.


SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson


SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.


EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a GREAT FRIENDSHIP.


NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.


TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Faux pas...

.. The employee turnover.. every 1 hour some one or another is getting laid off.. or turning in a resignation...

It creats mental stress.. in creative field.. u can't be creative at all times.. the inspiration comes in burst and spurts.. with sometimes a long dry spell.. so would that mean,.. there are vey high chances for someone's getting fired.. in those times...

aah.. and regarding my stupid blogging habit.. I am going to blame 2 persons from the same family.. for getting me addicted to reading blogs.. and starting my own.. and the more u do it.. the more addictive it is getting.. but knowing me.. after a while i will eventually wean off..

so here is something scary... http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/146115_blogger30.html
and as expected.. menu taan apna fikar pai gaya..

had to reread all my stupid boring stuff.. to see if i had by chance mentioned anything .. but i think.. i am ok so far.. and then too.. i don't have to worry about... this.. legality... cuz i am leaving either way.. par.. jehre main apne reserach di frustration zahar keeti payee hai.. :(.. je kite mere professor ne par layi.. :O.. fir.. aah oopar waale janaab waala haal ho jaao shayad..

but.. its worth reading his blog.. i liked it.. http://www.michaelhanscom.com/eclecticism/about.shtml

what an offence free method of seeking income as well... this can be a great inspiration to someone who has been after my case for almost 3 months now.. :P


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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Farlo.... blogging n efficiency..

Of the three months that i worked in my present company, today is my first farlo. I called in sick today. Since yesterday, I have been having some sort of pre viral chills and aches and pains in my arms n legs. So last night before going to bed, I had decided I am not going to go to work today. There is really nothing going on at work these days. I am just writing my reports and making my presentation which is on this Friday. My future job prospects in this company sort of depend on this presentation of mine.

I remember, that last time i indulged myself in this sort of behaviour was in my college days.. I didn't feel like going to college on a monday ... so used to take a day off.. used to justify my decison saying that I am going to work extra hard .. completely ignoringg the fact that I did not do anything over the weekend and used to buy some extra time this way.. a very bad procrastinator's approcah.. thats me.. but well..

going a little back.. to the childhood days.. some days when i didn't feel like going to school.. ususlay because of some tiresome class or something like that.. i mysteriously used to develop stomach aches.. and once i developed and ear ache too.. :P .. I don't know why the parents usually tend to see through all these tactics.. it used to be winter days.. who wants to leave the cozy comfort of the rajaee and freeze to death travleing to school.. huh.. samajte hi nahi..

but when my fake troubles failed to have any affect on their sentiments.. I used to make decalarations of sitting home and studying effieciently.. . "See, mama.. I will save so much time.. I will keep studying all morning and till the time you will come back from your school I will have all the chapters learnt by heart.. :-) I will be a good girl.. :P
.. And.. mom would leave for work.. and .. tain tain tain.. the moment I hear the sound of the gate clik.. yahooo.. yippey.. used to jump up and down for joy.. all symptoms of pain.. and weakness.. vanished in thin air.. oh man what carefree days.. first things.. TV.. aah.. channel flicking.. till lunch time.. didn't at all pay any heed to Barema's warnings.. or even dhamkeeyan.. ha ha.. garma garam pakwaan khaaye .. aur so jaana.. kittabein.. jahan ki wahan hi reh jaani...

Chalo ji.. ab to shaam ho gayi.. so its time for mom to come home.. now what... tidy up everything ..even switch off the fan.. and wait for it to stop rotating.. tell tale signs of inhabitation.. somedays.. i even used to make sure the minor wrinkles in the bedsheet were in proper place.. how meticulous I used to be... and by the time mom used to come back.. she used to find me chanting my notes .. trying to remember everything so bad.. she would pat my head..
and that used to be my undoing... feeling ashamed that i didn't really deserve that.. I would usually start studying from that moment on.. but some days weren't so good.. jab meri pol khul jaaya karti thi.. and then.. you all can make out.. the rest of the story....

So, its lunch time already... I started out with good work intentions.. but...

Monday, October 02, 2006

I am 65 now...

this is my 65th blog, inspired with a converstaion.. I have some observations to talk about..
- I make lot of observations
- I get lot of inspiration from converstaions
- I tend to analyze and over analyze the talks.. post converstaion blues I will term it..
- I tend to be a bit selective in the conversation that I conduct these kind of postmortems in..
-- These are either talks with key people in at my work or
-- Long, lenghty talks with some freinds on a topic or discussion
--- or briefest talks with single key points .. That I happen to pay close attention to...

Key Learnings.. after todays talk..
- I talk too much.. :-( all about I me myself, India.. the system.. and ..bla bla..
- in reality i usually am looking for the other person to take the lead and talk.. about anything..
- I don't know how to put questions properly.. that could/would initiate converstaion..
- my agenda for random key converstaions turns out to be blank.. its by laziness.. cuz the earlier times I had agenda's .. I was armed with agenda/ and key discusssion points and ideas.. had a notes paper ready.. but.. the other party was not available for conversation .. and I found.. it all didn't matter either way.. :-)

Further Action plan :

- I need to learn to listen, it is irritating if someone drones on and on about themselves.. but not so if you are in an initial contact stage.. it helps to find common interests and things to talk about further in future conversations..

- The best talker is the silent listener, with intelligent questions..

I have just now imparted some key strategic communications skills!

With friends, i think it is boring to keep silent.. with friends.. one should talk on and on and on..

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Sunday, October 01, 2006

vehla dimaag.....

hun te hadd ho gayi... inna time waste kar dittaaa... 3 months.. koi res progress nahi...
duneeyaa bhar di websurfing.. I don't know what I have been looking for.. all this time..

it is rightly said.. vehla dimaag shitaan da ghar.. jisde kol koi purpose na hove.. haha..
par hun times have changed.. I am all tied up in different projects..but I find I still can find time to do the things that I enjoy.. :)

there is magic in Now!.. Its beautiful outside... a cool drizzle..after about 3-5 months..

..I am having a bowl of toasted oatmeal n raisin...feeling on top of the world..this is the moment that I can get things done.. Miss G, nu report deni aa ajj shaam tak.. so I better get to work.. he he..

have a great sunday:)

I am going to look for a new suitcase, as the previous one from india.. woh beech rasste mera saath chor gaya.. this time i am going to pick an choose a sturdy n dependable piece..
you know what.. double entendre's.. ha ha..

anyways.. gotta go

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A repetition... or has history been repeating itself...all along?

Read the introductory preface of this book by Eckhart Tolle

Read on you will find out.

The Origin Of This Book

I have little use for the past and rarely think about it; however, I would briefly like to tell you how I came to be a spiritual teacher and how this book came into existence.

Until my thirtieth year, I lived in a state of almost continuous anxiety interspersed with periods of suicidal depression. It feels now as if I am talking about some past lifetime or somebody else's life.

One night not long after my twenty-ninth birthday, I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread. I had woken up with such a feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been. The silence of the night, the vague outlines of the furniture in the dark room, the distant noise of a passing train - everything felt so alien, so hostile, and so utterly meaningless that it created in me a deep loathing of the world. The most loathsome thing of all, however, was my own existence. What was the point in continuing to live with this burden of misery? Why carry on with this continuous struggle? I could feel that a deep longing for annihilation, for nonexistence, was now becoming much stronger than the instinctive desire to continue to live.

"I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. `Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the `I' and the `self' that `I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real."

I was so stunned by this strange realization that my mind stopped. I was fully conscious, but there were no more thoughts. Then I felt drawn into what seemed like a vortex of energy. It was a slow movement at first and then accelerated. I was gripped by an intense fear, and my body started to shake. I heard the words "resist nothing," as if spoken inside my chest. I could feel myself being sucked into a void. It felt as if the void was inside myself rather than outside. Suddenly, there was no more fear, and I let myself fall into that void. I have no recollection of what happened after that. ……….

My past 2 consecutive posts are so similar to what this guy must have felt ..... so one of my theory is coming close to be accepted.. hmm?

There are some days I practice positive thinking. And other days I'm not positive, I am thinking.