A repetition... or has history been repeating itself...all along?

Read the introductory preface of this book by Eckhart Tolle

Read on you will find out….

The Origin Of This Book

I have little use for the past and rarely think about it; however, I would briefly like to tell you how I came to be a spiritual teacher and how this book came into existence.

Until my thirtieth year, I lived in a state of almost continuous anxiety interspersed with periods of suicidal depression. It feels now as if I am talking about some past lifetime or somebody else's life.

One night not long after my twenty-ninth birthday, I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread. I had woken up with such a feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been. The silence of the night, the vague outlines of the furniture in the dark room, the distant noise of a passing train - everything felt so alien, so hostile, and so utterly meaningless that it created in me a deep loathing of the world. The most loathsome thing of all, however, was my own existence. What was the point in continuing to live with this burden of misery? Why carry on with this continuous struggle? I could feel that a deep longing for annihilation, for nonexistence, was now becoming much stronger than the instinctive desire to continue to live.

"I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. `Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the `I' and the `self' that `I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real."

I was so stunned by this strange realization that my mind stopped. I was fully conscious, but there were no more thoughts. Then I felt drawn into what seemed like a vortex of energy. It was a slow movement at first and then accelerated. I was gripped by an intense fear, and my body started to shake. I heard the words "resist nothing," as if spoken inside my chest. I could feel myself being sucked into a void. It felt as if the void was inside myself rather than outside. Suddenly, there was no more fear, and I let myself fall into that void. I have no recollection of what happened after that. ……….

My past 2 consecutive posts are so similar to what this guy must have felt ..... so one of my theory is coming close to be accepted.. hmm?

There are some days I practice positive thinking. And other days I'm not positive, I am thinking.

A peek into the future ..

The other day, I had a conversation with a friend of mine and we started discussing about life, the where and hows and why’s..

It was interesting since our views were so diverse and yet so similar. And then eventually the discussion turned to life.. as is expected and.. how would it be 20 years down the lane.

And interestingly enough I was not asked this question at the time of my job interview.. I never thought about it, but I wish to figure out the type of life I want to live and where I want to be after 20 years.

I have realized having some sort of daily goal helps me at least have some focus … but I often tend to make great plans, which are easily forgotten within 24 hrs time.

Random thoughts aside… where do I want to be in 20 yrs?

Rich? --- I wish to have enough to live comfortably n in style.. but not excessively.. but it dosen't hurt to have enough so that you don't have to think and budget all the time.. right?

Famous? --- Come to think of it.. it won’t hurt.. but moderately so..but.. i'd rather be the key management back stage..

Lucky? --- I just tend to get lucky at times and no so at other times.. its undependable.. so cannot be trusted.

I don’t know.. help me find a vison..

A matter of choice....

This morning has been beautiful J Calls from all over the continent and home. Amidst all this, today is chocolate day! It’s supposed to be an aphrodisiac and a mood enhancer :-) All those who are not feeling so good at this moment. I recommend you all to go have a bite of ur favorite chocolate and think… that we are still far better off than so many others.. If those folks get up each day to start afresh and have the ability to hope and keep striving for the better.. without giving way to perpetual anxiety and depression.. why can’t we?.

Life is a matter of choices… be a conscious chooser … learn to choose hope over despair, happiness over sadness. Don’t just sit down and dwell in the negativity, try to seek the brighter side.. try to come to grips with the situation at hand.. Accept what it is … as it is and seek what you can do with it.

It’s now time to start looking for possibilities within the framework :-). Sometimes having fewer choices helps to hasten the decisions.. what seems elusive today could turn out to be a huge blessing in disguise. But only time will grant us that realization…its hard but in some cases its best to surrender.. to the Devine will ...

I have been whining and not wanting to go back to Lubbock, but someone reminded me that… its something that you can’t escape.. stop whining and start accepting …why not finish up all you have to do in that place and try to come out of it sooner?.. life is a journey.. and you will have the burden of things at all times…it’s a matter of choice… whether you will be smiling all the way.. or gripping all along.. is your choice. What do you want to be?… choose!

And then be prepared to move heaven and earth.. be guided from the inside.. its easy for someone to write and say all this.. but takes a lot more to put things in practice..

…After all its not the end .. you know… its very tempting to take the easy way out....but it takes a lot more to seek and follow through the difficult way.. in the end you may not feel all that great.. but the journey itself will have instilled great things in you!

So even though things don’t work as we wanted them to I chose to smile today.. And you too

Keep Smiling :-)

PS: I have been requested…”please just keep quiet for the rest of the day” which I understand and you can have your way today … but tomorrow is another day!! ..

Its not even me anymore..

The other day I had the wierdest feeling of an out of body experience, as if a feeling of what I call me is not me but someone else, a stranger perhaps who's body I inhibit, its like we co-exist but are not even friends its like a strict business deal. Its like the cats i live with... I am there.. they are there.. I don't know what role in the whole sytem we play together..
Why i am even writing this i don't know. I am just an experienced spirit. Sometimes I feel ancient, I feel as if its all happend before like as in a movie.. a feeling of unreality admist reality..its been termed as deja vu by some but I have experienced this a lot of times. This feeling is kind of wierd, I am not sure I am ready to talk about it just as yet, but may be one of these days I will explore and research this wierd psychotic experience further. Or may be I am simply going insane... who knows.. as it is I know too much, and quite a bit is not to my liking and as I am incapable of changing the outcome of the developments and its very hard to sit still and just watch things happening knowing full well there is nothing I can do about the outcomes. This has been very challenging task for me so far.

time to put things in perspective and stop delving into the etherial and surreal world..


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How would it feel....

I am in a strange mood... I am existing. I am not living.. how would it feel to be living? to feel alive?. I am not frustrated at all.. I am just feeling nothing. I wondered last night how would all this and my life on the whole would culminate? I don't feel I have anything to look forward to in life. What ever happens or is going to happen.. will happen. At this stage I just want(ed) a few good things to happen.. and even if they don't happen I know I will still exist. I just will have to wean myself away and keep on the path of existence, but I have no reason any more to justify why I would want to do that.. when I am not even sure I want to continue this kind of existence..
What is the purpose of my life ? I keep wondering at frequent intervals. All my wants and wishes aside... What has been my contribution to society or to community or even to my family n friends? Did I ever make them happy and proud?.. may be a few times, but in the long run I don't have any feeling of satisfaction.. If this goes on as it it.. one day will come in my life that will be my last and what will I have in my life balance book to encash upon when in the Almighty's darbar? .. may be nothing, since I will not have enough credit points to pay for the ticket to heaven I will most likely be refused and sent back to where I am now... and this cycle will go on and on and on.. endlessly... :(
How may I put a break to all this? The thoughts of this impotentent life I am leading has put me in a very depressive mood. I don't have any future prospects and a futile and boring past. I am not even a good conversationist and neither do I have the skill set for being succesfull in this diplomatic/ decietful world. I have a degree and struggling pathetically for another..but I am just too tired of trying to build myself up with false hopes and aspirations. Nothing is going to work up for me I feel.. and I don't want to keep banging my head on futile projects doomed to failure.

I had thought of writing a biography on my life a couple of times, but then I felt, I have lead other people's life, I have played roles, reacted as a character, lived life as a proxy.. experienced failiures and succeses went through major trauma's in life came out of them a different person each time, just cuz I did not want to be a failure, but now I think it doesn't even matter anymore to me I don't care either way. I am bored of this existing/living game that nature is playing which I feel isn't even me or my life.. its someone else's life I am living and experiencing.. I don't even feel me to myself anymore. I want it all to simply end, either start afresh or retire from this non interesting life cycle...that I will term vegetative living.

Every one has problems either its personal or its professional, somehow I have none of those issues cuz I just don't care anymore... I simply don't care. I have lived/experienced enough. I have lived a lifetime already I feel. I have experienced all there was in store for me to experience in this lifetime. I am ancient and ages old. May be its simply time for me to say..

Alwida.




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Surrender....

PRAYER OF SURRENDER.
The following prayer I received printed on a paper with a photograph of Satya Sai Baba (I do not know who it was written by. Shall be happy to give credit, to who it is due

Why get agitated? Let Me take care of your business. I shall be the One who will think about them. I am waiting for nothing else than your surrender to Me. I intervene only when you know how to completely surrender to Me, then you do not have to worry anymore about anything. Say farewell to all fears and discouragement. You demonstrate that you do not trust Me. On the contrary, you must rely blindly on Me.

To surrender means: to turn your thoughts away from all your problems. Leave everything into My hands saying : Lord! Thy will be done, Thou think of it. That is to say :Lord I thank You for You have taken everything in Your hands and You will resolve this for my highest good.

Remember that thinking of the consequences of a thing is contrary to surrender; that is to say when you worry that a situation has not had the desired outcome. You thus demonstrate that you don’t believe in My love for you. You will prove that you don’t consider your life to be under My control and that nothing escapes me.

Never think: how is this going to end? What is going to happen? If you give into this temptation You demonstrate that you don’t trust Me. Do you want Me to deal with it, yes or no? Then you must stop being anxious about it. I shall guide you only if you completely surrender to Me and when I must lead you into a different path than the one you expect, I carry you in My arms.

What seriously upsets you is your reasoning, your worrying, your obsession and your will to provide for yourselves at any price. I can do so many things when the being, as much in his material necessities as in his spiritual ones turns to me saying; You think of it, and rests quietly closing his eyes. You will receive a lot, but only when your prayer will fully rely upon Me. You pray to me when in pain so that I will intervene, but in the way you desire it. You do not rely on Me, but you want Me to adjust to your requests.

Don’t believe like sick ones who ask the doctor to treat, all the time suggesting the treatment to him. Do not do that, but rather, even in sad circumstances say: Lord! I praise and thank you for this problem, for this necessity. I pray to you to arrange things as You please for this terrestrial and temporal life. You know very well what is best for me.

Sometimes you feel that disasters increase instead of diminishing! Don’t get agitated. Close your eyes and tell Me with faith: Thy will be done. Thou think of it. And when you thus speak, I even accomplish a miracle when necessary. I only think of it when you trust Me totally. I always think of you, but I can only help you completely when you rely fully on Me.

Annie & Trixie.. Playful private moments...

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Definitions of Will Power and Self Discipline?

Will power is the ability to control unnecessary and harmful impulses. It is the ability to overcome laziness and procrastination. It is the ability to arrive to a decision and follow it with perseverance until its successful accomplishment. It is the inner power that overcomes the desire to indulge in unnecessary and useless habits, and the inner strength that overcomes inner emotional and mental resistance for taking action. It is one of the corner stones of success, both spiritual and material.

Self-discipline is the companion of will power. It endows the stamina to persevere in whatever one does. It bestows the ability to withstand hardships and difficulties, whether physical, emotional or mental. It grants the ability to reject immediate satisfaction for something better.

The human being is full of inner unconscious, or partly conscious, impulses. People sometimes say or do things they later regret saying or doing. On many occasions people do not think before they talk or act. By developing these two powers, one becomes conscious of the inner subconscious impulses, and gains the ability to reject them when they are not for his/her own good.

Will power and self-discipline help us to choose our behavior and reactions instead of being their slaves. Don't think that life will become dull and dry in this way. On the contrary, you will feel more powerful, in charge of yourself and your surrounding, and consequently much more happy and satisfied. How many times have you felt too weak, lazy or shy to do something you wanted to do? You can gain inner strength, initiative and the ability to make decisions and follow them. Believe me, it is not difficult to develop these two powers.

If you are earnest and are willing to become stronger, you will certainly succeed.











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PJ4 u al....

Champu and Pampu are 2 elephant friends. Champu is in love with Champi, the elephant beauty queen. Champu proposes to Champi and she rejects him for some other rich elephant across the river.

Champu is very sad, so Pampu consoles Champu and asks him to play see-saw at the garden. Suddenly the see-saw breaks... and they burst into a song...................... guess which one.... ........................











Scroll down for the answer!!!!!!!!..........................
































See-Saw ho ya dil ho.... aakhirrrrrr... toot jaata hai....toot jaata hai...toot jaata hai....!!!!!

Value..

Never Lose Ur Value... 
       
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $500/- note in the room of 200,

He asked, " Who would like this 500 note?" Hands Started going up.

He said, " I am going to give this note to one of you But first let me do this."
He proceeded to crumple the note up.

He then asked, " Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, " What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground

And started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, Now all crumpled and dirty. " Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. " My friends, you have all learned a very valuable Lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $ 500/-.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or
what will Happen, You will never lose your value. You are special don't ever forget it!

Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams.    

Casa Royale'...

This post is being written from a giant sized mac.. This is the second.. no 3rd time on MAC OS.. some ppl love it.. some hate it..I am neutral .. as long as I am able to get to write what ever I need to get out of it.. It is just fine with me..

I am visting some folks up North in CA.. man what an amzing house they have.. awesome.. Like a Palace.. Do I feel Like a queen?.. Ask Ask??..

Yes I do!.. Its treatment royale.. but am I prepared.. ummm.. not really.. but I have found I am so adaptable.. that after 2 days.. I get pretty used to any type of set up.. even ppl.. hee hee.. I have to know them and understand the ppl a little bit to get along well.. and they have to initialte me in some sort of conversation .. and I feel so at home.. I had my initial misgivings regarding spending so much time with a family I never knew.. but surprisingly.. we have been so busy and I realized.. just now that I will be leaving tomorrow morning.. am like.. is it time to go already?.. oh no.. a fun weekend.. nice warm and welcoming people.. awsome place to live.. what more do I want.. ?.. I have no regrets.. it was so much fun visiting here... Uncle is just like my Dad.. only a lot more busy... I have learnt a concept of power nap.. in a different style from him.. which is so much the same way Dad is .. they are so alike.. he he.. and.. a backyard thats so amazingly green n full of fruits ... I miss home... but wait.. this was like home away from home..

Oh my and another thing.. I gate crashed Birje's party.. they had this amazing football game. Cal against Tennesse.. and the party was fried...even the dessert was fried.. he he..Have you ever had fried chocolate? I had and it was yummy.. slurp slurp.. but the game got burnt fried.. depending on which side the whole troop was betting upon... Oh and btw.. i forgott to tell you that I also got almost mauled by this another huge.. labrador-retriever mix.. but.. B' took pity on my poor.. dying soul and called it off me .. just in time I tell you.. but then.. we sssorrt off beccame... fffrrriiendsss.. he he..

chalo .. hun.. I think I have told enough.. gotta go :)


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